Got Travel Anxiety? Me Too, Read This.

Have you noticed how much the word ‘anxiety’ gets thrown around these days? Everybody seems to be suffering – it’s the silent psychological pandemic that’s plaguing Millennials (either that or people are way too liberal with their use of the term, which is an actual diagnosable psychological disorder that can have a pretty serious impact on sufferers’ lives).

I’m not judging — far from it. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder about 10 years ago, so I definitely get it (and once it had a name and some context, I realised I’d been suffering since I was a kid).

That sickening twist in your stomach that flags the onset of an anxiety attack, the sense that you’ve forgotten something and that the world will basically collapse unless you remember what it was (usually absolutely nothing). The tightening of the chest, like a fist clenched around your heart, the closing of the throat, the difficulty in taking a steady breath… The inability to talk on the phone, to go out with friends, to get out of bed and go to work. Lying awake at night thinking yourself round in circles with an endless series of ‘what if’s and ‘if only’s…

It crops up in different ways for everyone, of course, but there are a few common threads that are pretty consistent for all of us. And one of them is that you can feel very, very alone.

(Photo: Unsplash/Finn)

I first realised that travel was one trigger for my anxiety (yep, I’m out here trying be a travel writer with travel anxiety) when I had a major panic attack as I was about to board a flight to Europe, my first big solo overseas trip. It was about 13 years can still feel it like it was yesterday. 

The panic had been gnawing at me for weeks, maybe even months. We’d been planning for a long time, and every time the bubbles started rising in my throat and my stomach sank as the reality of getting on that plane really hit me, I’d push it to one side, distract myself with something else, refuse to engage with how I was feeling.

It wasn’t a healthy ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ decision to ignore the anxiety. It was more like a ‘la la la la not listening not listening not listening’, and all that repression did nothing to help me come departure day. 

I lost my shit.

I mean I really lost it.

I was bawling my eyes out saying goodbye to my parents, who’d taken me to the airport – not because I thought I’d miss them, either (I was a 23-year-old about to go to Europe, I should’ve been excited, not crying!). I was inconsolable because I felt terrified. By the time I got to the plane door, I was hysterical. I could barely breathe, tears streaming down my face. The poor flight attendants were looking at each other, no idea what to do with me, as I refused to step foot off the gangway and into the airplane. I mean, I was a mess.

In the end, they ended up saying I didn’t have to get on the flight if I didn’t want to, but they needed to know NOW because they’d have to find my bag and get it off the plane if I decided not to go. Shame won out over anxiety – I couldn’t bear the idea of ringing my parents to turn around and pick me up, or calling my then-boyfriend (who was waiting to meet me in Copenhagen) and saying I wasn’t going.

Nothing happened. The flight was fine. The transfers were fine. I slept most of the way. Met my bf and kicked off five months travelling through 17 countries in Europe.

So what was I scared of? 

I’ve asked myself that over and over (every time I take a trip, actually, as I have an anxiety attack literally every single time) and honestly, I can’t put my finger on it. It’s not fear of crashing. Obviously I don’t want to crash, but it’s not as simple as that. It’s nothing to do with being in a foreign land — especially with Google Translate and maps and Tripadvisor and all those things we have at our fingertips today, the foreign is made easy and familiar. Nope, my anxiety around travel was and is completely irrational.

I guess that’s the thing with anxiety — it usually is.

Clearly, I still travel, but I definitely can’t say honestly that I’ve conquered the anxiety. I often wonder if anyone ever managed to ditch it completely, or if it’s just something you learn to live with, the enemy inside your head with which you have no choice but to share mental real estate.

I don’t have the answer, so sorry if you thought that’s where this was headed. I still have anxiety attacks in everyday life, not just travel-related situations, and for me, I think it’s a balance between finding techniques that provide a little relief – deep breathing, meditation, medication, fitness, nutrition, all of the above – and accepting the anxiety. Trying to fight against the feeling gives it power and strength. Sitting in it, feeling it and letting it (hopefully) pass is key for me.

How about you? How do you deal with anxiety, or even stress? Would love to hear your thoughts below. ❤️